What's a witch to do when her magic is on the fritz and there's a huge pile of laundry to be done? Easy. Flood the entire house. Everyone wants a bubbly indoor freakin' swimming pool… right?

Just when everything is right in my life, something has to go wrong—times three. Number one: an unknown evil force wants to steal my power. Now, instead of protecting and healing the whacked out inhabitants of Assjacket, my power has wonked out on me and I've blasted ginormous holes all over town. Not to mention Roger the Rabbit is now sporting a pentagon of penii thanks to me and is keen on contacting the Guinness Book of World Records.

Unacceptable.

Armed with questionable voodoo skills and seriously frayed nerves, I'm Two: gonna do what any partially-sane, potty-mouthed, witch would do… I'm calling in the semi-evil, butt-ugly Bermangoggleshitz to train me. The warlock's penchant for push-ups makes me hate him with the fire of a thousand suns, but if I can't control my dark magic, it will control me.

Way unacceptable.

With Sassy and Cookie Witch by my side, I'll Three: get a handle on my dark voodoo—or doodoo as I've renamed it—so Assjacket won't end up as one massive crater. And I need all the help I can get. An evil like we've never seen is gunning for us—specifically me.

Wildly unacceptable.

We'll be the Three Amigos. The Three Musketeers. The Three Stooges. Whatever. As the saying goes…three's a crowd, three's company, three's a party.

Nope. Three's a charm. And I'm gonna turn it on for all I'm worth.